Marla’s Journey

I have four children. Each and every day, I am reminded more and more how very different they each are, one from the other. Max is my “spirited”child. Certainly the most challenging, up to this point. He can go from happy to screeching outrage to docile and complacent quicker than any child I have ever seen. As I was thinking about him this morning, the word “mercurial” leaped to mind. I thought, “YES!! THAT’S the word for him!!” According to www.merriamwebster.com, the definition is as follows :

“Main Entry:

¹mer·cu·ri·al

Pronunciation:

\(ˌ)mər-ˈkyu̇r-ē-əl\

Function:

adjective

Date:

14th century

1 : of, relating to, or born under the planet Mercury 2 : having qualities of eloquence, ingenuity, or thievishness attributed to the god Mercury or to the influence of the planet Mercury 3 : characterized by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood <a mercurial temper> 4 : of, relating to, containing, or caused by mercury”

YES, mercurial he is. He really changes moods SO fast that I often find myself a step or two behind in responding to him. It is something I am working on! I can still be in “calm, manage his tantrum and stay cool” mode when he has moved on to ” emotionally spent, cuddle me” mode. This can cause some misunderstandings and missteps, but we are working on it! I am learning that when Max is in the middle of a tantrum, he REALLY cannot be reasoned out of it, you just have to calmly and quietly try to refocus him and wait it out. I don’t think Thomas or Benjamin ever threw a tantrum. Really. Max has a couple most days. I totally believe kids are wired differently and that is just how Max is! I understand that and am pretty much unfazed when he has his challenges. I truly believe there is a reason he is my third child and was NOT my first! I am also SO glad that I do NOT subscribe to any of the garbage I read about “child training” and “molding” that involves all manner of basically beating the “spiritedness” out of you child and making them subdued and cowering little pawns of their parents’ warped idea of “good behavior.”  I am continually shocked and saddened by the amount of whack-job advice out there about making children “behave” and fit some imaginary mold that too many parents, especially Christian parents, unfortunately, think their kids are to conform to. It is maddening and so very frustrating to see such POOR parenting touted as the “right” way to raise children. Parents of High-Needs kids, especially, can get made to feel SO wrong about the way their child is. HELLO! God MADE them the way they are, and has ENTRUSTED you to care for, nurture, love and raise them. NOT to squash their spirit and make them drones! UUGGGHHH! Makes me CRAZY!  (rant over!)

On the “Challenging Children” front, Target yesterday was a doozy!

First of all, taking all three of the little people ANYWHERE that requires quiet and stillness is just ASKING for trouble! Thomas had the luxury of staying home to play on the computer and enjoy being 16. As for the rest of them, 4, 3, and 1 are NOT ages know for quiet docility! We were there to pick up an particularly elusive web-cam for Thomas’ birthday and wanted to get it, a couple other things, and leave. HA!! NOT going to happen!! We haven’t been anywhere quickly in 3, maybe 4, years! After packing the diaper bag, and loading 3 kids into car seats, and stopping so Norman can buy a Diet Pepsi and Bug Juice for the boys, and stopping to get gas, and cleaning up the Bug Juice that gets spilled (EVERY TIME!!!!!) in the van, and FINALLY getting to Target, I am DONE! No need to go inside, let’s just relax in the van. But no, we must shop. So, we load kids into the cart – two in the “facing each other so they can hit each other while safely strapped in” section, and Abby Grace in her baby bucket so my hands can be free and she can stare dizzily at the ceiling tiles. All is well til we get to the Electronics section.

Max has, apparently, a keyboard/key punching addiction. He LOVES to “type” on all manner of calculators, keyboards, and the like. Fine in everyday life. NOT good when strapped into a cart and unable to touch anything!! Commence screeching. I crouch down, explain that if he will calm down and behave, he can get out and try the keyboards. After the longest 3 minutes in recent history, he is settled and gets to get out and touches each of the display keyboards once. I see an older woman watching and shaking her head. OK, whatever. All is well, we find the camera we are looking for and head toward the cards and wrapping paper. Problem is, we have to pass by the Halloween section.

Benjamin has a love/hate relationship with spooky, scary things. He SO wants to see them, but it FREAKS him out when he does. A slight problem. Most bothersome are the “creepy hand in the candy bowl that tries to grab you when you take a piece of candy out” bowls. Norman put his keys in one of these bowls the Halloween Benjamin was 21 months old, and let him try to get the keys. BAD idea!! Benjamin SCREAMED and was SO scared. Norman felt really bad, but still the scar remains. Benjamin HATES those things. To the point that seeing them in the section as we walked by started him in on “I don’t like this. Can we go? I don’t like this. Can we go?” over and over and over and over as we walked by. Fine, until Max sees that the hand bowls are there. Max LOVES the hand bowls and has NO problem playing with them. I take Max over to look at them as Norman pushes a sad Benjamin and increasingly loud Abby Grace on toward the card section. Max and I line up the 6 bowls, realize if you wave your hands near them, they all bend and straighten up, looking like a minature version of the wave. 2 or 3 times of this and we head off to meet the rest of our crew.

Abby is seemingly getting mad at being in her seat so long, so I strap an unhappy Max back into his seat, and get Abby out. SOAKING WET, of course. Her BIG diaper of the day, which usually happens around 3-4pm, at 11:30am in Target. With the diaper bag in the van. Of course. I take Benjamin the Cooperative and Abby the Sopping Wet and head for the van, leaving Max the Cranky crying in the cart with Norman as we pull into the  checkout line. The same older woman from Electronics is gathering her purchases in front of us at the checkout, and as I am starting to head out, she looks at crying Max, shakes her head and says, ” A few good swats will stop THAT behavior.” I looked at her and I simply said, “Yes ma’am, hitting someone to get them to stop crying is TRULY enlightened! Thanks!” , shake my head, and walk on toward the door. She looked shocked, but I just have NO patience with people offering unsolicited parenting advice, especially such truly ignorant advice as to HIT a child to get them to stop crying. Brilliant! I am proud to say I managed to NOT hurl any one of DOZENS of MUCH nastier one-liners her way. I was tempted, but resisted!

After all the drama, things ended just fine. I got Abby changed and cleaned up, and Benjamin into his car seat. Max was happy again, thanks to a couple Tic Tacs, and we had everything but lunch fixin’s in hand. We headed out from Target, kids were happy, and all was well. So well, in fact, that we headed to Wal-Mart. To buy lunch stuff. Because we’re brave like that. (or stupid!)

I went in with the boys. Norman stayed in the car with a sleeping Abby. I think we exceeded his “Outings with Small Children” quotient for the day. The boys were perfect….Wal-Mart gives away a free cookie to the littles. And we wonder why they are taking over the world…..just ask the mommies!

The only other episode from yesterday worth mentioning is Max the Midnight Artist…what happens when your nocturnal 3 year old gets up at 12:15am and decides he needs a creative outlet. Using diaper cream. All Natural, expensive stuff, of course. Because it “feels good and slidey on my hands, mama.” And on mama’s legs, and arms, and the bedpost, and doorknob. “But why on mama, Max, and not you?” “Cause you’re bigger to draw on, mama.” Great. Thanks. Really. Thanks.